I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
