Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
