i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
