My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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