Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
