Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
