Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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