He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
