Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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