Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize