So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
