I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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