I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
