She announced her abortion via fbk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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