I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we're so committed to being not committed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
