My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have aggressive nipples.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
