dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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