Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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