he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
