Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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