My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
