so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
