She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
