Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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