remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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