I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
