Sry I called you an 8
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
