U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is wine microwaveable?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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