just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
