i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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