were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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