i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
