I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
