No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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