i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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