No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
