Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize