i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
one might say we're banned from that church
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
