TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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