I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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