I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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