mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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