It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
