you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
