You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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