Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize