I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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