You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
