Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
