you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
