Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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