The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
