I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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