I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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