This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
