why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
