Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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