A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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