well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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