Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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