Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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