I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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