It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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