I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
