his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
