Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
