He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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