Are we in a gay sports bar?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize