I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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