Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
