He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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