the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
