Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
