Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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