K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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