She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
