He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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