The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
