I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My life is pants optional.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
