I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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