You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
