is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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