sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
